Pain - Miscellaneous Tracks - Seven-Inch Cowboy - Lyrics, Music, Songs

Artist: Pain

Album: Miscellaneous Tracks

I’m a seven-inch cowboy
With a tiny pair of six guns.
Five’ll get you ten,
I betcha never seen one.
Well I’m a seven inch cowboy
How do you be?
And I’m used to people gawking and a-staring at me
But I wasn’t always so gol-darned wee
Let me tell you my story,
You can listen for free.

For seven long years,
Now that’s a year for every inch I stand
I’ve traveled small and lonely down the byways of this giant land
Like a country western Lilliputian too afraid to stop
I’m at the bottom of the food chain whereas I once was at the top.
I wandered on foot, my horse had done abandoned me
And every town I come to’s like a terrible dream
The other cowboys mocked me and spit tobacco like meteors
Watching me dodge ‘em and laughing at my small squeaky scream
I went to a saloon to get a drink
They wouldn’t serve me
They stuffed me in a glass and slid me up and down the bar
And all the barroom women gathered round and had their way with me
They sang a song both cold and mean
‘Cause that’s how women are,
They sang,

“A man can pan for gold and strike it rich and be a millionaire
Or ride the rodeo and be the best one at it anywhere.
Drive a brand new car, be a movie star
Size is all that counts, and there you are.”

And I’m a seven-inch cowboy
With a tiny pair of six guns
Five’ll get you ten
I bet you never seen one

(Yodeling)

Now as you can imagine, I’d grown pretty bitter
(Although that’s the only way in which I had grown)
And in that seventh year I finally found my transgressor,
The man who had shrunk me, the worst fiend I’d ever known.
The mad Professor Mentley was his name and I drew near
I hopped upon his shoulder and I grabbed him by the ear
I held my little pistols up and I told ‘im, “Look a-here!
You made me this way, it’s time you pay, you gol-darned queer!”
And the professor said, “Wait! Wait!
Now you know me, and I know you
And you know that strange experiments are just what I do
It’s less like a pastime and more like a job
Why if I didn’t do it, I’d be an unemployed slob
Now I know that won’t suffice if I’m to set you at ease
But I’m thinking as fast as I can for a man who’s down on his knees
And just this passing moment I had a thought, here’s what I thunk, I thought,
‘Where would you be today if you hadn’t’ve shrunk?’
Just another nameless cowboy, a mediocre bumpkin
Riding in the sun, skin burnt the color of a pumpkin
Reviled by the ladies, ridiculed by other men,
Nothing to set you apart nor would there ever have been
Then I came along, yes ME, Professor Mentley!
I gave you a gift! (though you weren’t grateful evidently)
I plucked you from your average status, I made you unique
You’re a seven-inch cowboy, not a six foot freak.
From every corner of the globe folks will come to adore you
Nations will bow and throw their riches before you
You’ll be diminutive in stature, but a titan inside
Because I, your true friend, chose to stand by your side.”

Now I cogitated on the words Professor Mentley shared
And I wondered if perhaps he only said ‘em ‘cause he was scared
My guns were weighin’ heavy in my hands, my heart was low
When suddenly some old advice came to me soft and slow:

Well my pop told me it don’t matter where a fella goes
You can sail through icy straights and misty archipelagoes.
Travel to the moon, orbit every star
Size don’t really count and there you are.

And I’m a seven-inch cowboy (seven inches tall)
With a tiny pair of six guns (That’s mighty damn small)
Five’ll get you ten (For all you bettin’ men)
You’ll never see another one (yeah!)
I guess Professor Mentley had a point although I shot him anyway
There’s never been a gentleman like me and that is safe to say
Well, I’ve thought real long and hard, so hard my brain is numb
Now I say Hollywood (Hollywood!), Hollywood (Hollywood!)
Hollywood here I come!

Nothing Remains The Same

1. Close My Eyes
2. Eleanor Rigby
3. Expelled
4. Fade Away
5. Injected Paradise
6. Just Hate Me
7. Pull Me Under
8. Save Me
9. Shut Your Mouth
10. The Game

Pain

1. Breathe
2. Choke On Your Lies
3. Greed
4. Learn How To Die
5. On Your Knees (Again)
6. Rope Around My Neck
7. The Last Drops Of My Life

Rebirth

1. Breathing In, Breathing Out
2. Crashed
3. Dark Fields Of Pain
4. Delusions
5. End Of The Line
6. On And On
7. Parallel To Ecstasy
8. She Whipped
9. Suicide Machine
10. Supersonic Bitch

Miscellaneous Tracks

1. Adam's Apple
2. Antidote
3. Bottlerocket War
4. Breathe
5. Breathing In, Breathing Out
6. Choke On Your Lies
7. Chuck Al Hashib
8. Close My Eyes
9. Crashed
10. Dark Fields Of Pain
11. Delusions
12. Derision
13. Don't Let Me Down
14. Easy Out
15. Eleanor Rigby
16. Ellen
17. End Of The Line
18. Expelled
19. Fade Away
20. Fight
21. Futz Said Julie
22. Greed
23. Grudge
24. Injected Paradise
25. Island Of Fear
26. It's Only Them
27. Just Hate Me
28. Kokamantratarius
29. Learn How to Die
30. Midgets With Guns
31. Milk
32. On And On
33. On Your Knees
34. One-Legged Girl
35. Pose Ode
36. Pose Ode 2
37. Pull Me Under
38. Put 'Em Back
39. Rope Around My Neck
40. Save Me
41. Seven-Inch Cowboy
42. Shut Your Mouth
43. Square Pegs
44. Suckerpunch
45. The Game
46. The Last Drops of My Life
47. The Man Upstairs
48. The People, The People
49. Thimbledrone
50. Umbrella